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Friday, December 29, 2006
well, i was feeling really sick yesterday, practically whining and rolling in bed the whole day cos my whole body was aching. and i had to frequent the toilet and puked. doc says i caught a virus and gave me a jab. actually im supposed to have 2 days mc but my manager asked me to go back to work today cos she needs me to help her so i agreed since im already feeling better. i kinda think im such a nice employee. :p
went shopping with darling on wednesday. gosh! i've never seen another guy who loves shopping so much more than me. ha. eventually, darling got a maroon shirt with purple stripes from zara. he looks a bit skinny in it, think he ought to fatten up a bit. i tried on a purple (my fav colour!) with silver stripes spag and darling agreed i looked nice in it. but i didn't buy in the end cos... hmm... shld curb my spending a bit...
okay, gotta rush off to work now... tataz~
went shopping with darling on wednesday. gosh! i've never seen another guy who loves shopping so much more than me. ha. eventually, darling got a maroon shirt with purple stripes from zara. he looks a bit skinny in it, think he ought to fatten up a bit. i tried on a purple (my fav colour!) with silver stripes spag and darling agreed i looked nice in it. but i didn't buy in the end cos... hmm... shld curb my spending a bit...
okay, gotta rush off to work now... tataz~
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
im confused. caught between him and des.
i never gave promises cos im scared i can't fulfill. but if given another chance, i promise i'll never let you down.
that is if you have a chance.
with des, i don't know what's the problem. if im not feeling so un-wanted half the time, my heart probably wouldn't even be faltering the slightest bit when i saw those words fromhim. i love des but he doesn't need me as much in his life. i always feel that im replaceable somehow. yes, replaceable.
how do you know i don't wanna see you?
because there's no 'i miss you's or 'i wanna see you's. *sigh* i can't read your mind. how would i know anyway? i can't assume that you miss me also when you don't tell me.
its not that im not trying. i try to keep my days after work free, in the hope you might ask me out. but... you are either too tired or already have plans for yourself. so is this distance for better or for worse?
i can't decide.
i never gave promises cos im scared i can't fulfill. but if given another chance, i promise i'll never let you down.
that is if you have a chance.
with des, i don't know what's the problem. if im not feeling so un-wanted half the time, my heart probably wouldn't even be faltering the slightest bit when i saw those words from
how do you know i don't wanna see you?
because there's no 'i miss you's or 'i wanna see you's. *sigh* i can't read your mind. how would i know anyway? i can't assume that you miss me also when you don't tell me.
its not that im not trying. i try to keep my days after work free, in the hope you might ask me out. but... you are either too tired or already have plans for yourself. so is this distance for better or for worse?
i can't decide.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
yesterday darling and i went to watch the movie 'the holiday'. it was nice and sweet. i always love movies with happy endings. :p after that we had seafood platter at fish and co. for dinner. hee. my favourite!
a lot of times, i look at him and start wondering again: will this happiness end someday? will this last forever? will his love stay the same for me always? will there be a day when we have to say goodbye?
everytime i start trusting Love again, my fear of being betrayed or hurt by Love starts acting on me simultaneously. the more i love him, the more im haunted by this feeling. everyday of my life. but sometimes, his love just seems to be able to chase all these fears away.
*BIG sigh* did i forget to mention that yanbin started e-mailing me from his EURIP trip? i realize im not that heartless person i thought i could become. when i walked out from the whole traumatizing affair, i told myself i will not drop a tear for him anymore. but when i read his e-mails, i couldn't help but start crying. not because of love. but rather, how could something we picture to last didn't work out eventually?
we had the happiest days together: having dinners at our usual haunts, sitting by the clarke quay river sharing our passion for drinks, sweating and tiring ourselves out with old clothes collections, travelling half of singapore to collect sponsorship stuffs together, the watching soccer sessions, the drinking, gossipping and staying over sessions with friends in club room, or just lazying around in bed for the whole day. basically, we saw each other almost everyday.
not forgetting how he saw me through my stressed days, my allergic reactions and staying by me through the night while i was dead drunk. not forgetting the sleepless night he had, changing the wet towel on my head constantly when i was running a high fever and having allergic reactions before my last paper last semester.
but we had the worst quarrels every time, which probably led to the demise of our love. or rather his love for me. i waved the white flag helplessly after futile attempts at salvaging the relationship.
now he is asking me: if i decided to go after you... again... would you give me a chance again?
sometimes in life, there is just no second chance.
a lot of times, i look at him and start wondering again: will this happiness end someday? will this last forever? will his love stay the same for me always? will there be a day when we have to say goodbye?
everytime i start trusting Love again, my fear of being betrayed or hurt by Love starts acting on me simultaneously. the more i love him, the more im haunted by this feeling. everyday of my life. but sometimes, his love just seems to be able to chase all these fears away.
*BIG sigh* did i forget to mention that yanbin started e-mailing me from his EURIP trip? i realize im not that heartless person i thought i could become. when i walked out from the whole traumatizing affair, i told myself i will not drop a tear for him anymore. but when i read his e-mails, i couldn't help but start crying. not because of love. but rather, how could something we picture to last didn't work out eventually?
we had the happiest days together: having dinners at our usual haunts, sitting by the clarke quay river sharing our passion for drinks, sweating and tiring ourselves out with old clothes collections, travelling half of singapore to collect sponsorship stuffs together, the watching soccer sessions, the drinking, gossipping and staying over sessions with friends in club room, or just lazying around in bed for the whole day. basically, we saw each other almost everyday.
not forgetting how he saw me through my stressed days, my allergic reactions and staying by me through the night while i was dead drunk. not forgetting the sleepless night he had, changing the wet towel on my head constantly when i was running a high fever and having allergic reactions before my last paper last semester.
but we had the worst quarrels every time, which probably led to the demise of our love. or rather his love for me. i waved the white flag helplessly after futile attempts at salvaging the relationship.
now he is asking me: if i decided to go after you... again... would you give me a chance again?
sometimes in life, there is just no second chance.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
thinking back, i think i had a better life when i was really young. i was practically treated like a princess and i had everything i could wish for. but as i grew up, the harsh and cruel realities set in. my perfect world started falling apart, throwing me into the deep abyss whereby i had to constantly struggle with something called Life. c'est la vie, isn't it?
sometimes i look at those customers who walk into the shop to buy crystals and i start wondering: they spend thousands on those crystals to occupy their shelves, which in economic terms are worthless assets, that can feed me at least for a year or so. such is the cold fact of life. then i look at those tai tais who never fail to carry with them an aura of haughtiness. *BIG sigh* what can i say? is it really true that money makes the world go round? and the rich only gets richer?
just the other day i heard that the world's (i-forgot-the-number) richest people's assets add up to about 50% of the world's riches. i did a mini research. "The world's wealthiest man is a college dropout. In fact, seven of the top 15 wealthiest people in the world dropped out of school." *faints*
c'est la vie. guess there's nothing i can do about it also. so i should stop whining. tataz~
sometimes i look at those customers who walk into the shop to buy crystals and i start wondering: they spend thousands on those crystals to occupy their shelves, which in economic terms are worthless assets, that can feed me at least for a year or so. such is the cold fact of life. then i look at those tai tais who never fail to carry with them an aura of haughtiness. *BIG sigh* what can i say? is it really true that money makes the world go round? and the rich only gets richer?
just the other day i heard that the world's (i-forgot-the-number) richest people's assets add up to about 50% of the world's riches. i did a mini research. "The world's wealthiest man is a college dropout. In fact, seven of the top 15 wealthiest people in the world dropped out of school." *faints*
c'est la vie. guess there's nothing i can do about it also. so i should stop whining. tataz~
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
sometimes im just thinking... i want a guy who would tell me im beautiful even without make-up, who would kiss my hand and say 'I love you' to me even when im old and wrinkled, who would tell me i still look as fabulous when i grow fat (ha!), whom i can bare my whole heart to and whom i can share all my joys and sadness with...
but... i can't seem to see this guy in you...
"Because, I can see us holding hands
Walking on the beach our toes in the sand
I can see us on the country side
Sitting on the grass laying side by side
You can be my baby
Let me make you my lady
Girl you amaze me
Aint gotta do nothin crazy
See all I want you to do is be…
[Chorus x2]
My love (so don't give away)
My love (so don't give away)
My love (so don't give away)
Ain't no other woman that can take your spot"
but... i can't seem to see this guy in you...
"Because, I can see us holding hands
Walking on the beach our toes in the sand
I can see us on the country side
Sitting on the grass laying side by side
You can be my baby
Let me make you my lady
Girl you amaze me
Aint gotta do nothin crazy
See all I want you to do is be…
[Chorus x2]
My love (so don't give away)
My love (so don't give away)
My love (so don't give away)
Ain't no other woman that can take your spot"
Friday, December 08, 2006
shucks, im gonna start working tml. or rather later. *sigh* i still haven't replenish enough sleep. =( well, don't complain im not blogging. here i am. heh. =p
a few days ago, i was quite upset when i realised that some friends actually perceive me to be a 'player'. if you don't understand what it means, its okay. anyway, as i was saying, i was quite surprised and upset. they didn't say it directly but from their looks, i guess that was their hidden meaning. i didn't bother explaining cos there's no point in explaining.
okayyy, im not gonna act like im damn strong here cos im definitely not. there was a period of time after the failed relationship with yanbin that i felt so disillusioned with love. yes, i moved on but i was feeling totally dejected and miserable (although i pretended im carrying on well cos i have my pride). i couldn't think of a reason why the relationship failed despite me putting in alot of effort in it and i really put in my best effort.
during that period, i didn't receive alot of support from friends around. i try to think that its probably cos alot of them didn't know that me and yanbin broke up. so i numb my senses with all the alcohol and clubbings. and things just got worse only. cos when im high from the alcohol, i don't really know what im doing sometimes. and i get mixed feelings after that. i know that's not an excuse but its true.
perhaps me getting attached so soon after a break-up seems to reflect really really badly on me. hello?! after all that crappy and shit attitude that i had to tolerate from yanbin, i was relieved that it was all over. its not as if i wasn't sad over the breakup. i was but do i have to mourn over the death of a relationship that only brought me pain and misery?
i am serious in all my relationships, no exception for this one. and still, i hope this lasts. i love him and i mean it from my heart.
a few days ago, i was quite upset when i realised that some friends actually perceive me to be a 'player'. if you don't understand what it means, its okay. anyway, as i was saying, i was quite surprised and upset. they didn't say it directly but from their looks, i guess that was their hidden meaning. i didn't bother explaining cos there's no point in explaining.
okayyy, im not gonna act like im damn strong here cos im definitely not. there was a period of time after the failed relationship with yanbin that i felt so disillusioned with love. yes, i moved on but i was feeling totally dejected and miserable (although i pretended im carrying on well cos i have my pride). i couldn't think of a reason why the relationship failed despite me putting in alot of effort in it and i really put in my best effort.
during that period, i didn't receive alot of support from friends around. i try to think that its probably cos alot of them didn't know that me and yanbin broke up. so i numb my senses with all the alcohol and clubbings. and things just got worse only. cos when im high from the alcohol, i don't really know what im doing sometimes. and i get mixed feelings after that. i know that's not an excuse but its true.
perhaps me getting attached so soon after a break-up seems to reflect really really badly on me. hello?! after all that crappy and shit attitude that i had to tolerate from yanbin, i was relieved that it was all over. its not as if i wasn't sad over the breakup. i was but do i have to mourn over the death of a relationship that only brought me pain and misery?
i am serious in all my relationships, no exception for this one. and still, i hope this lasts. i love him and i mean it from my heart.
Monday, December 04, 2006
read this from my dynamics of interpersonal textbook:
1) there's always this tension between autonomy and connection, our desire to remain an individual but also to intimately connect to another person and to a relationship.
how true. we all value our freedom so much but yet yearn to share our lives with a special someone in life, to be part of their lives.
2) the tension between novelty and predictability centers on the dual desires for newness and adventure on the one hand and sameness and comfortableness on the other.
who doesn't love surprises and new excitements in life? but we do wish sometimes that there's something constant which we are familiar and comfortable with, giving us the assurances that we need. so sometimes, a constant r/s doesn't necessarily equal to a stagnant r/s. instead, a constant r/s might be a stable r/s after all.
i remember once telling myself that loving someone means believing in the Love even when the going gets tough, keeping the faith in the Love no matter how the surroundings may change, and falling in Love with the same person over and over again. i still believe in all these, after so much has happened. i still believe in Love.
maybe its true. the consent on the 8th nov is starting to make me a different person. i cut back on my drinks, curb my wilfulness, and start sharing my life once again with a special someone. lol. and yah, be accountable for my actions. :p
sometimes, i still can't believe i'm having something so perfect in my life. someone pinch me puhlease? heh. i never felt so blessed and happy for a long time. :)
cos you are the angel i can't defy.
1) there's always this tension between autonomy and connection, our desire to remain an individual but also to intimately connect to another person and to a relationship.
how true. we all value our freedom so much but yet yearn to share our lives with a special someone in life, to be part of their lives.
2) the tension between novelty and predictability centers on the dual desires for newness and adventure on the one hand and sameness and comfortableness on the other.
who doesn't love surprises and new excitements in life? but we do wish sometimes that there's something constant which we are familiar and comfortable with, giving us the assurances that we need. so sometimes, a constant r/s doesn't necessarily equal to a stagnant r/s. instead, a constant r/s might be a stable r/s after all.
i remember once telling myself that loving someone means believing in the Love even when the going gets tough, keeping the faith in the Love no matter how the surroundings may change, and falling in Love with the same person over and over again. i still believe in all these, after so much has happened. i still believe in Love.
maybe its true. the consent on the 8th nov is starting to make me a different person. i cut back on my drinks, curb my wilfulness, and start sharing my life once again with a special someone. lol. and yah, be accountable for my actions. :p
sometimes, i still can't believe i'm having something so perfect in my life. someone pinch me puhlease? heh. i never felt so blessed and happy for a long time. :)
cos you are the angel i can't defy.
Sunday, December 03, 2006
we seem to be very similar in certain aspects and our perceptions towards certain stuffs. *smiles* maybe its good. maybe i finally found someone who can complement me in some ways. =p
had my gek1502 paper today. guess it's the easiest of the 3 papers that i had since the start of the exams. *phew* 3 down, 2 more to go. monday and tuesday.
wish me luck.
had my gek1502 paper today. guess it's the easiest of the 3 papers that i had since the start of the exams. *phew* 3 down, 2 more to go. monday and tuesday.
wish me luck.