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Thursday, December 21, 2006
yesterday darling and i went to watch the movie 'the holiday'. it was nice and sweet. i always love movies with happy endings. :p after that we had seafood platter at fish and co. for dinner. hee. my favourite! a lot of times, i look at him and start wondering again: will this happiness end someday? will this last forever? will his love stay the same for me always? will there be a day when we have to say goodbye? everytime i start trusting Love again, my fear of being betrayed or hurt by Love starts acting on me simultaneously. the more i love him, the more im haunted by this feeling. everyday of my life. but sometimes, his love just seems to be able to chase all these fears away. *BIG sigh* did i forget to mention that yanbin started e-mailing me from his EURIP trip? i realize im not that heartless person i thought i could become. when i walked out from the whole traumatizing affair, i told myself i will not drop a tear for him anymore. but when i read his e-mails, i couldn't help but start crying. not because of love. but rather, how could something we picture to last didn't work out eventually? we had the happiest days together: having dinners at our usual haunts, sitting by the clarke quay river sharing our passion for drinks, sweating and tiring ourselves out with old clothes collections, travelling half of singapore to collect sponsorship stuffs together, the watching soccer sessions, the drinking, gossipping and staying over sessions with friends in club room, or just lazying around in bed for the whole day. basically, we saw each other almost everyday. not forgetting how he saw me through my stressed days, my allergic reactions and staying by me through the night while i was dead drunk. not forgetting the sleepless night he had, changing the wet towel on my head constantly when i was running a high fever and having allergic reactions before my last paper last semester. but we had the worst quarrels every time, which probably led to the demise of our love. or rather his love for me. i waved the white flag helplessly after futile attempts at salvaging the relationship. now he is asking me: if i decided to go after you... again... would you give me a chance again? sometimes in life, there is just no second chance. |