shucks, im gonna start working tml. or rather later. *sigh* i still haven't replenish enough sleep. =( well, don't complain im not blogging. here i am. heh. =p
a few days ago, i was quite upset when i realised that some friends actually perceive me to be a 'player'. if you don't understand what it means, its okay. anyway, as i was saying, i was quite surprised and upset. they didn't say it directly but from their looks, i guess that was their hidden meaning. i didn't bother explaining cos there's no point in explaining.
okayyy, im not gonna act like im damn strong here cos im definitely not. there was a period of time after the failed relationship with yanbin that i felt so disillusioned with love. yes, i moved on but i was feeling totally dejected and miserable (although i pretended im carrying on well cos i have my pride). i couldn't think of a reason why the relationship failed despite me putting in alot of effort in it and i really put in my best effort.
during that period, i didn't receive alot of support from friends around. i try to think that its probably cos alot of them didn't know that me and yanbin broke up. so i numb my senses with all the alcohol and clubbings. and things just got worse only. cos when im high from the alcohol, i don't really know what im doing sometimes. and i get mixed feelings after that. i know that's not an excuse but its true.
perhaps me getting attached so soon after a break-up seems to reflect really really badly on me. hello?! after all that crappy and shit attitude that i had to tolerate from yanbin, i was relieved that it was all over. its not as if i wasn't sad over the breakup. i was but do i have to mourn over the death of a relationship that only brought me pain and misery?
i am serious in all my relationships, no exception for this one. and still, i hope this lasts. i love him and i mean it from my heart.