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Tuesday, October 31, 2006
hmmm desmond and i are going out for dinner tml (or rather tonight)... supposed to wait for wednesday then play pool together... but heh... he's like superbly sweet... he knows i'll be msn-ing almost every night (ha!) so he will come online to talk to me when his brother is not using the comp... =p he even called me up just now when he knew that i was not feeling very good and was taking a drink. yah i was drinking a teeny weeny bit. i know he cares. but it's weird that he knows me for such a short time yet cares so much about me... hmm...
des: tsk.. drink somemore.. you want me to call you and scold you ar? *grins*
but can anyone tell me how to solve the height difference issue? he's like 1.83m and im only 1.56m. gosh, i do wish i am taller! i can't wait to see him tomorrow... somehow, he brought the laughters back into my nights... and we could chat and laugh on msn or via sms till wee hours...
it's been a long time since i felt so happy in my life. please let this fairytale carry on?
des: tsk.. drink somemore.. you want me to call you and scold you ar? *grins*
but can anyone tell me how to solve the height difference issue? he's like 1.83m and im only 1.56m. gosh, i do wish i am taller! i can't wait to see him tomorrow... somehow, he brought the laughters back into my nights... and we could chat and laugh on msn or via sms till wee hours...
it's been a long time since i felt so happy in my life. please let this fairytale carry on?
Sunday, October 29, 2006
desmond's really a very nice guy... and he's tall (like 1.83m? gosh!), dark and sporty... heh... kinda quiet though but its okayyy... cos i talked non-stop... haha... when he sent me back to below my block, i was kinda touched... i know it's just a simple gesture but maybe cos it's been long someone ever sent me back home... (yanbin used to complain and quarrel with me about sending me back home. kns.)
i managed to pluck up enough courage after i went home to tell my mom about the breakup between me and yanbin. it's been about a month plus. i felt that i should give her an answer. now that i've done so, it's time to move on to another chapter of my life. =p
love is a zero-sum game. you give and take. if the guy can't treat you right, he isn't fit to be your guy. if the guy wanna tilt the balance in his favour, he can jolly well fuck off.
i managed to pluck up enough courage after i went home to tell my mom about the breakup between me and yanbin. it's been about a month plus. i felt that i should give her an answer. now that i've done so, it's time to move on to another chapter of my life. =p
love is a zero-sum game. you give and take. if the guy can't treat you right, he isn't fit to be your guy. if the guy wanna tilt the balance in his favour, he can jolly well fuck off.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
im suffering from serious deprivation of sleep due to insomnia and over-indulgence in a decadent lifestyle. i just want a good sleep tonight. im tired.
my cough is not recovering from all the irregular and unhealthy meals at unearthly hours after clubbing, alcohol and late nights. when i was coughing badly just now in the midst of 'invigilating' the sudoku competition, i suddenly thought: if only there is someone to take care of me, ask me if my cough is getting better, to remind me to go see a doctor etc. im so useless. perhaps its only when im sick i feel so alone.
p.s. the sudoku competition was a success. thank god. about 28 people turned up in all for the ultimate challenge!
it was like bubbles blown into the air. to sum it up, a short-lived enchantment. i'll be okay.
my cough is not recovering from all the irregular and unhealthy meals at unearthly hours after clubbing, alcohol and late nights. when i was coughing badly just now in the midst of 'invigilating' the sudoku competition, i suddenly thought: if only there is someone to take care of me, ask me if my cough is getting better, to remind me to go see a doctor etc. im so useless. perhaps its only when im sick i feel so alone.
p.s. the sudoku competition was a success. thank god. about 28 people turned up in all for the ultimate challenge!
it was like bubbles blown into the air. to sum it up, a short-lived enchantment. i'll be okay.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
"no... you are still prettier than her..."
yanbin told me last night, in comparison with THAT alison. wait. im not being jealous here. but of course, when your ex tells you you are still the best or prettiest to him, it beats digging into a tub of ben & jerry's ice-cream. heh.
so who's alison? heh. well, the story goes like this. within one week after we broke up, i saw that he added this girl called alison onto his friendster account. i was like: uh huh. one week only already started hooking up girls. great. but anyway, that girl is just someone who's attached but still put single on her friendster account. someone he met at Zouk. ooh, and she was from tj but i never seen her around at all. whatever. it really doesn't bother me at all.
he has been on my mind. i really don't know what im thinking about. it was a mistake. but to me, it seems such a beautiful mistake. someone just slap me please?
anyway, i had the last session of pool training for this year with jj, suleen and her bf daniel! gonna miss all our pool trainings...
jj, suleen and me!
yanbin told me last night, in comparison with THAT alison. wait. im not being jealous here. but of course, when your ex tells you you are still the best or prettiest to him, it beats digging into a tub of ben & jerry's ice-cream. heh.
so who's alison? heh. well, the story goes like this. within one week after we broke up, i saw that he added this girl called alison onto his friendster account. i was like: uh huh. one week only already started hooking up girls. great. but anyway, that girl is just someone who's attached but still put single on her friendster account. someone he met at Zouk. ooh, and she was from tj but i never seen her around at all. whatever. it really doesn't bother me at all.
he has been on my mind. i really don't know what im thinking about. it was a mistake. but to me, it seems such a beautiful mistake. someone just slap me please?
anyway, i had the last session of pool training for this year with jj, suleen and her bf daniel! gonna miss all our pool trainings...
Monday, October 23, 2006
have i grown cold and heartless? maybe i do. perhaps now only the loudest music and strongest alcohol can penetrate my restless soul, make me fallible.
i might be meeting yanbin tonight. part of me really dread this meeting, but another part of me wanna hear how lousy he's feeling or doing. i can forgive, but i will never forget. i don't hate him, but neither do i like him. in the past, i'll put down whatever work i have to spend time with him. but now, an extra minute with him probably just makes me feel as if im wasting my time fucking an amoeba. yes, you heard me.
im waiting for that vicious laughter of victory at the end of this battle, you'd better not grant me that chance. prove that you can do better without me. if not, just fuck off.
i might be meeting yanbin tonight. part of me really dread this meeting, but another part of me wanna hear how lousy he's feeling or doing. i can forgive, but i will never forget. i don't hate him, but neither do i like him. in the past, i'll put down whatever work i have to spend time with him. but now, an extra minute with him probably just makes me feel as if im wasting my time fucking an amoeba. yes, you heard me.
im waiting for that vicious laughter of victory at the end of this battle, you'd better not grant me that chance. prove that you can do better without me. if not, just fuck off.
Sunday, October 22, 2006
anyway, met up with 33/03 for dinner last night at blk 85! heh. our favourite place. sheesh, im supposed to be on diet lah. =p
p.s. notice the heaps of plates of food we have on the table! gosh!
me and huizzz... =p
jon, me, huizzz, jem
rach, yoke, mindan! =)
the guys: zenon, kel, jon
p.s. notice the heaps of plates of food we have on the table! gosh!
Saturday, October 21, 2006
my weary body needs a break. i need arms to rest in. my tears need to flow. but they are stuck inside. i've been thinking alot these 2 days. what have i been doing? what have i done??
i've erred so much in just 2 weeks. im so guilty. i've broken someone's heart, been scolded a bitch and didn't resist a kiss from a friend cos i was in a drunken stupor. mistakes after mistakes. ouch.
im sorry for what i've done. that's just notme at all. where's the clear-headed girl who has been in me all along? where has she gone to? what is it that's left in me?
for you, we were both troubled souls. troubled over our past relationship. you chose to let go but still feel the heartache. i chose to let go but im too numbed to feel the heartache. you resembled his personality while mine was uncannily similar to hers. we sought escapism as a solution. the dance. the touch. the kisses. we apologized afterwards. we are both mature enough to handle the situation. but the touch lingers. the kisses still haunt my thoughts. im truely sorry.
as for that asshole who scolded me a bitch cos i somehow broke his heart, he's not worth me mentioning at all. he's just some immature and deeply perturbed soul. i just hope that he finds a new target and move on soon.
i promise im gonna repent and find myself back. i promise.
and still, i miss you. miss talking to you. miss having you around. you were my confidante, my best friend. we did almost everything together. but now, look what has become of us. that stupid 3 words spoiled it all. if only you hadn't said them 1 year back. if only you hadn't been so madly in love with me. if only i had stuck firmly to what i've told you (that i wasn't ready for a relationship at all). if only.
yes, i have my pride. i showed you my true emotions cos i thought there wasn't any reason for me to pretend in front of you. but you always said i was too emotional and weak. so i moved on. i wanted to show you that i wasn't and im stronger than you think i am. but something still seems to be missing in my life.
i've erred so much in just 2 weeks. im so guilty. i've broken someone's heart, been scolded a bitch and didn't resist a kiss from a friend cos i was in a drunken stupor. mistakes after mistakes. ouch.
im sorry for what i've done. that's just not
for you, we were both troubled souls. troubled over our past relationship. you chose to let go but still feel the heartache. i chose to let go but im too numbed to feel the heartache. you resembled his personality while mine was uncannily similar to hers. we sought escapism as a solution. the dance. the touch. the kisses. we apologized afterwards. we are both mature enough to handle the situation. but the touch lingers. the kisses still haunt my thoughts. im truely sorry.
as for that asshole who scolded me a bitch cos i somehow broke his heart, he's not worth me mentioning at all. he's just some immature and deeply perturbed soul. i just hope that he finds a new target and move on soon.
i promise im gonna repent and find myself back. i promise.
and still, i miss you. miss talking to you. miss having you around. you were my confidante, my best friend. we did almost everything together. but now, look what has become of us. that stupid 3 words spoiled it all. if only you hadn't said them 1 year back. if only you hadn't been so madly in love with me. if only i had stuck firmly to what i've told you (that i wasn't ready for a relationship at all). if only.
yes, i have my pride. i showed you my true emotions cos i thought there wasn't any reason for me to pretend in front of you. but you always said i was too emotional and weak. so i moved on. i wanted to show you that i wasn't and im stronger than you think i am. but something still seems to be missing in my life.
Friday, October 20, 2006
well, it's not funny anymore. i think whatever you have written was enough for me to bring you to court. you carry on harassing me in such a subtle yet haunting manner. what do you want me to do? apologize for REJECTING you?? that's like so totally ridiculous.
i would like to think you are mature and rational, but your actions and behaviour just proveotherwise. at least i didn't tell anyone about your indecent proposal. wake up and fuck off k? if not, you can jolly well wait for my lawyer's letter or police report for harassment.
i would like to think you are mature and rational, but your actions and behaviour just prove
Thursday, October 19, 2006
my hair still reeked of the smell of smoke. im having a bad hangover. and i missed my 10am lecture again. ouch.
i've been bad. very bad. i think i should start mugging again. i've been missing lectures lately, lotsa catching up to do.
im supposed to sit down and start mugging now but here i am planning to go out for dinner and pool again. shucks.
i enjoy the partying. but the aftermath of partying always leaves me mentally drained and emotionally emptied.
im sorry k? i never meant to hurt anyone. you can scold me a bitch if it makes you happier. to me, it's just another word.
i should really start cutting down on the alcohol and the partying.
i've been bad. very bad. i think i should start mugging again. i've been missing lectures lately, lotsa catching up to do.
im supposed to sit down and start mugging now but here i am planning to go out for dinner and pool again. shucks.
i enjoy the partying. but the aftermath of partying always leaves me mentally drained and emotionally emptied.
im sorry k? i never meant to hurt anyone. you can scold me a bitch if it makes you happier. to me, it's just another word.
i should really start cutting down on the alcohol and the partying.
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
we will be lost in the music,
where everything else doesn't matter.
just you and me, im waiting.
i'll write 'i will never forget you' in my heart.
Monday, October 16, 2006
shucks. i should start looking for a new job to sustain my recent fetish for denim minis and earrings. =p
i feel weird inside when i try to defend him or praise him in front of our friends. Stuffs like 'He's quite a nice guy..', 'Yea, he's one of the best mcs around. he really put in his best effort for science club..', 'He's nice to everyone..' etc. i can't help but ask myself: have i really got such a magnitude of forgiveness in me? or am i just a pretentious lying bitch? after all those shit he put me through??
perhaps i still choose to believe in the goodness of mankind and the beauty in all that my eyes see. maybe THAT's why.
if only everyone in the world can just overlook each other's flaws and wrongs, the world will definitely be a better place to live in. if it sounds too complicated, in simpler words you can take it that im like those overused bimbo icons wishing for world peace.
i feel weird inside when i try to defend him or praise him in front of our friends. Stuffs like 'He's quite a nice guy..', 'Yea, he's one of the best mcs around. he really put in his best effort for science club..', 'He's nice to everyone..' etc. i can't help but ask myself: have i really got such a magnitude of forgiveness in me? or am i just a pretentious lying bitch? after all those shit he put me through??
perhaps i still choose to believe in the goodness of mankind and the beauty in all that my eyes see. maybe THAT's why.
if only everyone in the world can just overlook each other's flaws and wrongs, the world will definitely be a better place to live in. if it sounds too complicated, in simpler words you can take it that im like those overused bimbo icons wishing for world peace.
Saturday, October 14, 2006
Funny thing is when I look into your eyes
I sense something so sincere in your disguise
You whisper secrets I hear only in my dreams
Then I wake up to your tele-smoke screen
I wait patiently while you play your game
'Cause in the end, I'll be the winner all the same
You'll see clearly when the song comes to a stop
I'll be the one blowing kisses from the top
(So baby, stop) Stop, you're surrounded
(I got my love) Love all around ya
(One wrong move) Move and I'll down ya
And that'll end ya
You should surrender
You'll never win
Unless you give in
So won't you give our love a chance?
Or do you only wanna dance?
If you take my hands
And follow my lead
I'll make you dance (I can make you dance)
But if you get my feet (Get my feet)
And miss the beat (And miss the beat)
Then I can't take that chance (Then I can't take that chance)
If you take my hands (Oh)
And follow my lead (Oh, Oh, oh-oh)
I'll make you dance (I can make you dance)
But if you get my feet (Get my feet)
And miss the beat (And miss the beat)
Then I can't take that chance (I can't take it)
(So stop it) Stop, you're surrounded
(I got my love) Love all around ya
(One wrong move) Move and I'll down ya
And that'll end ya
You should surrender
You'll never win
Unless you give in
(So stop) Stop, you're surrounded
(I got my love) Love all around ya (All around you)
Move and I'll down ya (Uh-uh-uh)
And that'll end ya (Uh-uh-uh!)
You should surrender (Uh-uh-uh!!)
You'll never win
Unless you give in
So won't you give our love a chance?
I sense something so sincere in your disguise
You whisper secrets I hear only in my dreams
Then I wake up to your tele-smoke screen
I wait patiently while you play your game
'Cause in the end, I'll be the winner all the same
You'll see clearly when the song comes to a stop
I'll be the one blowing kisses from the top
(So baby, stop) Stop, you're surrounded
(I got my love) Love all around ya
(One wrong move) Move and I'll down ya
And that'll end ya
You should surrender
You'll never win
Unless you give in
So won't you give our love a chance?
Or do you only wanna dance?
If you take my hands
And follow my lead
I'll make you dance (I can make you dance)
But if you get my feet (Get my feet)
And miss the beat (And miss the beat)
Then I can't take that chance (Then I can't take that chance)
If you take my hands (Oh)
And follow my lead (Oh, Oh, oh-oh)
I'll make you dance (I can make you dance)
But if you get my feet (Get my feet)
And miss the beat (And miss the beat)
Then I can't take that chance (I can't take it)
(So stop it) Stop, you're surrounded
(I got my love) Love all around ya
(One wrong move) Move and I'll down ya
And that'll end ya
You should surrender
You'll never win
Unless you give in
(So stop) Stop, you're surrounded
(I got my love) Love all around ya (All around you)
Move and I'll down ya (Uh-uh-uh)
And that'll end ya (Uh-uh-uh!)
You should surrender (Uh-uh-uh!!)
You'll never win
Unless you give in
So won't you give our love a chance?
i just wanna clarify something:
im feeling heartache NOT because of YANBIN. i just don't wanna write the name of the person who's causing the heartache. but anyway, im OVER it again.
heh... let's talk about the somewhat gal's night out last night... =p it was like FANTABULOUS! oh boy, it's like a once in a lifetime thingy! i mean how many times can u go clubbing and get 1) 5 free drinks, 2) the number of a CUTE waiter and 3) a hell lots of fun!
i SO wanna go once more... and lots more... but maybe after exams... will upload the pics when i come back from a bbq session later... =p
Ladies In Black! (heh! we all wore black tubes with denim skirts... great minds think alike! =p)
im feeling heartache NOT because of YANBIN. i just don't wanna write the name of the person who's causing the heartache. but anyway, im OVER it again.
heh... let's talk about the somewhat gal's night out last night... =p it was like FANTABULOUS! oh boy, it's like a once in a lifetime thingy! i mean how many times can u go clubbing and get 1) 5 free drinks, 2) the number of a CUTE waiter and 3) a hell lots of fun!
i SO wanna go once more... and lots more... but maybe after exams... will upload the pics when i come back from a bbq session later... =p
jenn and nic... =)
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
can't sleep again. it's another one of those sleepless nights. pon my science gem lecture as well as my pool training today. told my friend i don't feel well and im not going for lecture. yah, i don't feel well cos i have a heartache. it's just like any of those toothache, stomachache etc. i'll recover in no time.
i have been gasping for air to breathe recently. im serious, meaning i really gotta breathe in deeper just to take in air. cos i used to have an asthma history and still having breathing difficulties there and then.
sometimes i can't help but think: when is my turn? enough of heartbreaks and tears, can't cupid just shoot at the right target (and die die must be a better one) the next time round? but then, cupid is always too eager to shoot his arrows and always OFF-target. bleahz~
gonna get some sleep now and hope that tomorrow will be a better day. =p
i have been gasping for air to breathe recently. im serious, meaning i really gotta breathe in deeper just to take in air. cos i used to have an asthma history and still having breathing difficulties there and then.
sometimes i can't help but think: when is my turn? enough of heartbreaks and tears, can't cupid just shoot at the right target (and die die must be a better one) the next time round? but then, cupid is always too eager to shoot his arrows and always OFF-target. bleahz~
gonna get some sleep now and hope that tomorrow will be a better day. =p
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
i've woken myself up from an enchantingly beautiful dream. heh, it's just SoOo me to be dreamy. hence, pardon me for my vulnerability. it's time to focus back on my studies and try spending more time with my girlfriends. im so looking forward to the klunch session next tuesday. cos i haven't k-ed for a very long time!! =p
today's mug day since i have a test tml. i really shldn't be blogging when im supposed to mug.
till next time. tataz~
today's mug day since i have a test tml. i really shldn't be blogging when im supposed to mug.
till next time. tataz~
Monday, October 09, 2006
sometimes i just wish i wasn't that strong. ironic, u might say, since i wrote in my last entry saying i admire myself for being strong. but the whole world just seems to think that unless she's looking like a damsel in distress, she doesn't need a knight to rescue her. yes, i might not need a knight but... how about a doc? i think i need a dosage of attention.
if only i could replay the scene again with just a click of the 'rewind' button. if only.
if only i could replay the scene again with just a click of the 'rewind' button. if only.
Friday, October 06, 2006
i thought he forgot about it after last week's conversation, but he suddenly asked me about it just now. i was surprised. it was an agreement to play pool together back then when we were still in jc. i can't remember why back then we couldn't find a chance to do so, but this is 2 years late anyway. heh.
about our conversation though, its kinda funny. what has playing pool gotta do with whether im a christian or not? heh. i'll explain further another time.
it's somewhat the last time i taught my tutee just now. feelin a bit sad. hmm yah i agree im that kind of nostalgic person and i value people around me alot. i really hope he'll do well for his N level maths paper tml so he can proceed on to O levels next year. his mom already asked me to continue teaching him next year if he can make it through. =p think im starting to miss tuitioning him already. jian zhong, jiayou k?
as for him, sometimes i don't understand why i still bother to be concerned about him. i hope he understands that im purely showing concern as a fRiEnD and i don't mean anything else at all. i've moved on and i won't harp nor cling on to the past. im amazed with myself actually. heh. im not trying to be bhb but i really am amazed at how strong i am. perhaps its a side of me that no one ever knew and which i just re-realised. im still that strong girl after so many years.
about our conversation though, its kinda funny. what has playing pool gotta do with whether im a christian or not? heh. i'll explain further another time.
it's somewhat the last time i taught my tutee just now. feelin a bit sad. hmm yah i agree im that kind of nostalgic person and i value people around me alot. i really hope he'll do well for his N level maths paper tml so he can proceed on to O levels next year. his mom already asked me to continue teaching him next year if he can make it through. =p think im starting to miss tuitioning him already. jian zhong, jiayou k?
as for him, sometimes i don't understand why i still bother to be concerned about him. i hope he understands that im purely showing concern as a fRiEnD and i don't mean anything else at all. i've moved on and i won't harp nor cling on to the past. im amazed with myself actually. heh. im not trying to be bhb but i really am amazed at how strong i am. perhaps its a side of me that no one ever knew and which i just re-realised. im still that strong girl after so many years.