my weary body needs a break. i need arms to rest in. my tears need to flow. but they are stuck inside. i've been thinking alot these 2 days. what have i been doing? what have i done??
i've erred so much in just 2 weeks. im so guilty. i've broken someone's heart, been scolded a bitch and didn't resist a kiss from a friend cos i was in a drunken stupor. mistakes after mistakes. ouch.
im sorry for what i've done. that's just not me at all. where's the clear-headed girl who has been in me all along? where has she gone to? what is it that's left in me?
for you, we were both troubled souls. troubled over our past relationship. you chose to let go but still feel the heartache. i chose to let go but im too numbed to feel the heartache. you resembled his personality while mine was uncannily similar to hers. we sought escapism as a solution. the dance. the touch. the kisses. we apologized afterwards. we are both mature enough to handle the situation. but the touch lingers. the kisses still haunt my thoughts. im truely sorry.
as for that asshole who scolded me a bitch cos i somehow broke his heart, he's not worth me mentioning at all. he's just some immature and deeply perturbed soul. i just hope that he finds a new target and move on soon.
i promise im gonna repent and find myself back. i promise.
and still, i miss you. miss talking to you. miss having you around. you were my confidante, my best friend. we did almost everything together. but now, look what has become of us. that stupid 3 words spoiled it all. if only you hadn't said them 1 year back. if only you hadn't been so madly in love with me. if only i had stuck firmly to what i've told you (that i wasn't ready for a relationship at all). if only.
yes, i have my pride. i showed you my true emotions cos i thought there wasn't any reason for me to pretend in front of you. but you always said i was too emotional and weak. so i moved on. i wanted to show you that i wasn't and im stronger than you think i am. but something still seems to be missing in my life.